Just be….

I do not speak at all these days. I want to curl up in a warm place and feel safe until I feel better. Phases like that come and go. I don’t talk all day. My dogs keep me going. They don’t expect or assume. I am one lucky woman to have a husband who understands that I sometimes can’t. Can’t feel anything, can’t speak, can’t watch TV, read or listen to music. All a reminder that I am sick, and it will not go away. My fingers touch the pages of the novel I couldn’t put down just days ago. I will be able to finish it. I just don’t know when. I had thought I am in a good place to find my core again, but depression shoves me into nothing. Like a reminder that happiness is not a given. It never was. There are bits and pieces, moments in time where I really feel life, and my soul is in peace. I share that happiness with my daughters. I would just send a message saying: ” I am happy, life is good. ” Sometimes I feel like a lab rat. Last verdict: Treatment resisting major depression. The last doc’ prescribed a medication in such a large dose that I could have stroked out. I was lucky to have a great neurologist who saw it right away. …. what do you see in this picture? A butterfly, a bird, a brain you can’t fix? Life is a gift. Happiness is possible. Hope doesn’t leave me. I got this! Love and Light to you all! Simone ( I will add the name of the artist who painted that lovely picture soonest I find it!)

11 thoughts on “Just be….

  1. Sometimes, we are in need of the emotional support from someone who will be there for us, even if s/he just stayed by our side, not saying anything at all, having the other person around, is enough, to make us feel, that we’re, not alone in this world.

    Liked by 4 people

  2. I see cocooning. The caterpillar turning into the chrysalis, laying dormant for days and re-emerging as a butterfly. The baby in the foetal position before travelling down the tunnel to be born. There are days where we just lay dormant waiting ….waiting…..waiting.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Reblogged this on Notes and commented:
    Simone, what else is better than to “just be”. I don’t want to he a bird that sings all the time or needs to be wrapped around another being. There is a “me” time where its I who chooses, nobody else. To gather yourself, to pick yourself up, to think, to ponder, to understand something difficult, to process, to “be”, you don’t have to socialise. A beautiful piece you wrote and no matter how long I have to wait for your precious words, whenever they come out of your being, that’s my lucky day 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  4. On the thought of feeling like a lab rat, I’ve been there. I was one of the first kids studied when learning disabilities became a big thing in the early 80s. I was taken into a special room in school and tested 2 times per week. ( I got in trouble for not taking things seriously when I was given the ink blot test and started quoting Black Sabbath when asked what I saw . Lol ) anyway, through all of that testing I learned that human beings are very malleable. We tend to become what we focus on. We also have the power to shift that focus so that we can transform the proverbial bats into butterflies.

    Liked by 2 people

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