I am… ( part 1)


I had a dream last night where I was wading in shallow waters holding a broken cross up to the sky, screaming at God how he could have let his only son die in torture and such suffering. Even in my dream I thought about trinity, but that was not my reality during that moment when I held the broken cross up to the heavens in tears and sheer anger.

I thought about my complete willingness to die any day, any minute, any second for my daughters and those I love. I would throw myself into fire, waters or bullets to safe them. And I was angry with a God who allows such suffering and more each day. 

When I woke up I understood.

This was not my life. My life was everyones’. My lamenting was idiotic. I was the one dying, and I was the one living. I was the one able to see everything, and the one seeing nothing. And all of this, every single thing, was my choice. I was held, and I was holding on. But I had to be out there…..

Palms out, bare, alone, naked, and pure I wanted to wade through those waters!!

So let’s talk about honesty……….and it’s going to suck.

….within segment…… chapter 7/5

Love and strength,





6 thoughts on “I am… ( part 1)

  1. Each of us asks that question: “Why make the Lord of the Age suffer?” I have come to a conclusion that may be unsatisfactory to many. Perhaps, the fact that this life is so full of adversity, Christ and all the Divine Messengers lived lives of pain and suffered so, to show us how to face our own pain and suffering, and to put it all in perspective.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. It’s, an awakening, when you realized, that you’d, lived your whole life for someone else’s sakes but your own, and once you realized this, it’s still a bit ways away, until you finally start living for yourself…


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