Uncut Appearance

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What are we if not strength itself since it’s found in weakness?!  In the depths of the pits and bottles, in sweat, drugs and passionate flesh. And who doesn’t come out in strength isn’t with us anymore, they have given up, done. The never ending battle with what swallows us whole if we let it, is a different one for us all, but all are fighting. So I was thinking why we so desperately seek what makes us  feel so sinfullyIMG_7363 alive.

Our whitewashed scene of the best job, car, perfect house, constant gym visits with the typical latte’ in one hand and a smile of a queen; is an utter facade of real life’s facts and dreams. Let us be healthy for heavens sake, but let’s do it for ourselves, and not for Instagram, and the thankful crowd of masturbating freaks starring at our butts on their MacBooks. Where are you when you are alone and don’t know what to do or whom to call. What do you wear, what are your thoughts telling you?! Well, if you wouldn’t try so hard to look like you have all your shit together, you might be able to vent with someone who loves the real you. Which is very hard to do, if nobody knows who you are!

Are you tired of appearing the way you feel it is expected, and get sick to your stomach during every small talk, meaningless smile and compliment ever given, to those you dislike deeply for their shallow existence on that chair in front of you?! For their mere fishing for status and shallow perfectionism in this competition of – say it! Life!                                                                    Where a lifetime ago my bloody fingers have touched the rim of the bathtub in realization that this could be death, I still loathed the appearances for what they were, because I knew that’s what I had to do. Appear to be ok, and I became a pro in it. So many lives, so many thoughts had themselves embedded in my heart like sharp blades, and I still felt so very damn alive screaming silently: “Never!”.  I will and can not what they can and will every single day. Let my art be all there is left of me! I rather die, but then again there is that thing about Hope and Faith, and I have a lot of both of them, especially since I have my daughters, and a man I never want to see hurt in my life.

How I long for more real people in my life. Those I know are so very far away. The others  are even further away, like they are invisible, because they must be, I can’t hope they aren’t, it’s just too sad to find out.

Why not put a lid on all of it already, so we can get back our authenticity, our dignity. There are so very many lies we can simply avoid. If Jesus saves people through a video screen bigger than a house, inside of a multimillion dollar church, and tears are running down their faces by the sheer impact of this heavenly show, they might as well be saved by Metallica or Adele. Because one thing is sure, they are not crying humbled by his presence. I think we rather find him on the hill under a tree behind the church parking lot. And if the perfect diet has not found us yet, let’s try an apple, clean water and home made cooking.  If the light on the nights desk, nor night-quill can save us from those scary thoughts, let’s try to realize that most of them were chosen by us, and invited in to stay, and make a home. Give them to God, the universe, whatever you prefer, and let it go. You are loved the way you are. Simple as that.

If your neighbors are jerks for years, finally tell them to go to hell! What can they do? Move? Stand up to the nonsense around you, and shut them off. It’s just people like you sharing an opinion you don’t even need to think about. Just like my blog, if you hate it ignore it.

Make choices for yourself and live! Actually live! Designer sneakers won’t help you see that sunset any better than having bare feet. And if this article doesn’t resonate with you, even repulses you, well – if it’s the second, you might want to actually inhale it; if it’s the first, disregard and I am happy you actually ARE save from all this. Saved from boring evenings in front of the TV while you think of passion, laughter, and connecting with one another on a level where no subject is off limits in this political correct shit-list of what is appropriate.

This is insulting?  Well, then it got you thinking at least, because your live probably sucks right now in one way or another. Nobody wants a sucky life! It’s sad, trust me, I know! These days its like walking through masses of clones.                                                  We should all read Einstein, the guy had something to say about all this…..! Maybe there is a chance that we don’t need all those forbidden little doors to escape temporarily into a more fun, more passionate and loving world, if we’d all just be a little more ourselves. Brave in honesty and tolerance, in compassion and acceptance. Until it’s normal, and not bravery anymore. Just a good life.

Sit on the typewriter and bleed! – Thanks Ernest, let’s see how that’ll work out.

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